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What’s wrong with the Jehovah’s Witnesses? October 5, 2006

Posted by Hegemony in Uncategorized.
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This is a departure from my usual science writing but I couldn’t help myself.  I got a handwritten note from someone I had never met.  It had my name (as it appeared on my mailbox) and address.  In addition to the note (God, blah blah blah) there was a pamphlet.  And oh goodness, you’ve never seen such a thing.  Inside there was a ton of biblical verses but the cover was great, here it is:
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How’s that for weird?  Such a strong claim, “all suffering soon to end”.  So we can assume that this image is the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ idea of a world without suffering.

So in their ideal world the following are true: there will be pumpkins… lots of pumpkins.  Because, you know, pumpkins are useful for so many things… like pumpkin pie… and other things I’m sure.  Also there will be apples (for when you’re sick of munching on pumpkins).  After a day of harvesting pumpkins and apples will be placed in a garden of ambiguous looking flowers.

In the ideal Jehovah’s Witness paradise the moose will have lost its desire to protect its territory.  In fact, here they will graze quietly near humans that have apparently just
harvested some pumpkins and apples.  And it seems that black people do the harvesting.  I’m not saying that Jehovah’s Witnesses are in favor of slavery… I mean there’s no suffering there.  But maybe the artist should have thought that through better.

Oh, and log cabins, you bet there’ll be log cabins.  Who needs modern building technology anyway?  But don’t fear, we can still use horses for transport.  So I guess everyone is happy and free… except for horses.

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Comments»

1. groverXIII - October 6, 2006

Apparently, Oprah and Bryant Gumbel will be doing the harvesting!

2. Fred - November 4, 2007

Well, other than their incedibly misguided theology, they do have some pretty cool art renderings of Oprah and Bryant on a wonderful picnic with Katy C. riding in the background with some pretty nice “form fitting” attire. Woopie!

3. jsessoms - June 6, 2009

Jehovah’s Witless

4. Bacopa - June 6, 2009

Witnesses believe that many people will be reseurrected to live in a recreated earth without death, suffering, or scarcity. Animals will not kill animals nor will humans eat animals.

Witnesses deny the trinity, they believe Jesus is a created being, possibly the same person as Archangel Michael. They do not believe in eternal hellfire. Hell is a place for the destruction of souls, or just a metaphor for the natural destruction of the soul at death. I am not sure whether Witnesses believe there is a human soul distinct from the body. Pretty scientific of them if they don’t.

I gathered all this from reading a lot of Witness literature my grandmoter gave me. I know Witness door-knocking is bothersome, but they are apolitical and harmless. We secularists would be better off if there were more Witnessses.

5. JustSayin' - June 6, 2009

Amen, Bacopa (if you’ll pardon my use of the word)! I always make that point when anyone compares them with, say, the Mormons (of Prop 8 fame). So long as they keep their craziness out of my government, I’ll continue to ever-so-politely turn them away at my door. Much more gently than I would, say, any other proselytizing freaks that make the mistake of knocking.

6. Dan - June 6, 2009

I think those are opium poppies, so everyone is probably jacked up on tar heroin. That would explain the vapid expressions.

7. Kitty - June 6, 2009

Well, my grandfather once had to run some Witnesses off his property with a shotgun, so not all of them are so peaceful when they come to your door.

8. Charles Montgomery - June 7, 2009

LOL…

Kitty’s grandpa pulls the gun and the Witnesses are not peaceful?

Categorization error!

Rodent - June 14, 2009

I think the f#€ker are crazy ! Guess yes we’r on “Jehova’s hitlist peeps !

9. Hegemony - June 7, 2009

Wow… what’s with the influx of people viewing this post? There’s lots more witty banter at my currently active site at http://www.honestlyanomalous.com

10. ChipG - June 8, 2009

you got a link from j-walkblog.com, hence the traffic–he got the same thing in his mail.

11. Former JW - June 11, 2009

Go to TOPIX forums and look for “JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES” and get the real scoop on just how warm and friendly the Watchtower followers are.

http://www.topix.net/religion/jehovahs-witness/2009/06/spreading-the-word-with-snail-mail-again

12. Kelly - June 11, 2009

Thanks for featuring the “suuffering” tract. It is one of my favorites to share with people. I was so impressed by the Jehovah’s witnesses’ refusal to participate in wars that I became one myself. Finally, people who teach the truth, I thought. The expressions of the people depicted on the tract are a lot happier than most folks are accustomed to. I’ve grown quite accustomed to being happy myself. Have a great day!

13. Kelly - June 11, 2009

Bacopa, it is true that we don’t believe in the so-called immortal soul that exsists separate from the human body. We do, however, believe in spirits that are angelic and demonic. Very nice overview of JW beliefs!

14. The Tobe - July 5, 2009

As a former JW (for 16 years) I can tell you they are cult. The people that come knocking on your door are simple, wholesome and genuinely sincere in their beliefs. The problem lies in their unquestioning trust of the head organization, The Watchtower Society. Followers are not allowed to question the orders that come from the higher-ups in the organization. God is merely “using these higher-ups to interpret his prophecy”. One hundred percent of what my family (the ones still trapped in the JW’s) comes from the Watchtower Society. Any religion (or for that matter any organization, club, political party, etc) that does not allow for self scrutiny should be avoided.

Here’s a few interesting facts about this group:

-Believers that question the hierarchy have been “disfellowshipped”. -The organization has made 6 prediction regarding the date when the world would end (1914, 1915, 1918, 1925, 1940’s 1975). At the time these predictions were not to be questioned.
-The group has a large pedophile problem because they refuse to report cases to the authorities.
-They’ve changed some passages in the bible (they use there own bible) to fit their doctrine.
-Family members are to be spurned if they don’t believe.
-… mental illness rate of JW’s is approximately 10 to 16 times higher than the rate for the general population (Google: montague jehovah mental)

Don’t be fooled. If you are involved with this organization do some homework before committing. Ignorance is no excuse in the age of the internet!!!!

Just-an-observation - September 14, 2009

Even in the legal system – disgruntled indiviuals testimony is not regarded as trustworthy – JW are guided by the moral standards found in the bible (any translation) – those who cannot subscribe to such high morals either choose to leave or are disfellowshipped when displaying an unrepentant attitude. It’s amazing how ex-disgruntled-witnesses always call-out foul play, but I suppose that’s also true of people fired from work – the bosses are always crooks… right…

The Tobe - January 3, 2010

To Just-an-observation
So, if I understand you correctly anyone that disagrees with what you believe is simply “disgruntled”. You live in a very narrow world if you think all of the religious leaders, bosses and politicians are always right and anyone that disagrees with them are just “disgruntled” workers or “disgruntled” former followers. Don’t you think it would be smarter to fact check what you read before coming to such a silly conclusion?

yup,i'm younger - April 1, 2011

and you know the whole pedaphile thing guys?that was a low blow its so funny how everyone gets all excited,quick to go ahead and talk about us as jehovah’s witnesses and these priest people look up to touch little boys and so forth.and i am not justifying their actions if they have but they will have to deal with jehovah in the end yup,all those who left ,and are leaving him

15. Truth - October 27, 2009

Jehovah’s Witnesses are definitely NOT a cult. And everything you have posted is false, ‘The Tobe’.
“Followers are not allowed to question the orders that come from the higher-ups in the organization. God is merely “using these higher-ups to interpret his prophecy”

Not true at all. They are encouraged to ask questions, because asking questions betters your understanding. Everyone in the congregation is happy to answer questions, just like a school teacher would be with a student.

“The group has a large pedophile problem because they refuse to report cases to the authorities.”

I don’t even know where you got that one from.

They’ve changed some passages in the bible (they use there own bible) to fit their doctrine.

This one bugs me the most, because everyone seems to believe that. It’s NOT TRUE. The bible they use is a translation straight from the hebrew and greek scriptures. Do some research on the King James bible. King James didn’t let his translators translate the word ‘Jehovah’ as well as alot of other things. The hebrew name YHWH is in the original bible, written in hebrew. This translates as Jehovah in english.

“Family members are to be spurned if they don’t believe.”

Again, I don’t even know where you got that one from. Ever been to a Kingdom Hall or associated with JW’s? You’d learn alot.

“… mental illness rate of JW’s is approximately 10 to 16 times higher than the rate for the general population (Google: montague jehovah mental)”

HA! That is so fictional it’s amusing. Keep in mind that half the things you google aren’t true.

The Tobe - January 5, 2010

Dear Truth –
Some of the facts I quoted are just general knowledge gained by my personnel experience with the JW’s. Others I learned by reading books and research on the internet. ALL of these were fact-checked before adding them to my comments. Before you deny these facts you should at least have the courage to look them up. There really is no reason not to verify for yourself unless you’re afraid of what you might find. You would make a much more persuasive case for your side of this discussion if you would include some facts. Just saying, “HA! That is so fictional it’s amusing” or, “It’s NOT TRUE” really has no merit.
To answer your question, “Ever been to a Kingdom Hall or associated with JW’s?” you can start by rereading my comment. I spent 16 years going to the Kingdom Hall. I spent another 40 years associating with my family who are mostly JW’s. I have also employed and worked with JW’s in the past. I think all of this is enough experience to qualify me as an expert.

Again, I would encourage you to check what I wrote. I made it very easy for anyone to check. (I have even given the exact words to google to the medical paper on the high rate of mental illness among JW’s.) Here are my responses on my other comments: For the pedophile issue just google “pedophile Jehovah’s witness”. You’ll get 21,900 hits. (If “half the things you read on google aren’t true” that means 10,950 of those hits are true.); Since you didn’t dispute the fact that the JW’s have predicted the end of the world 6 times I’ll assume you agree with it; As far as the not questioning the hierarchy just look at what happened in 1981 when a group did ask questions. It resulted in a huge schism with many leaving the organization or being disfellowshiped; There are abundant sources to back up the fact that the JW’s changed the bible to fit their beliefs. Just google “Jehovah’s Witnesses changed bible”; Family members being spurned. Do you really deny this? This is a basic precept of “disfellow-shipping” someone. Look at the word “disfellowship”. You don’t need to go any further then that.

Any religion that discourages scrutiny is a religion you should not blindly follow.

angel - April 15, 2011

so what made u decide to become something other than a wittness do u believe Jehovah is jesus??

16. Truth - October 27, 2009

Oh, and for the record– the word Trinity isn’t biblical. In any bible.
Three cannot be one, and one cannot be three.
Most people explain this like an egg.
You have the shell, the egg white, and the yolk.
All three different things, but still an egg.
What people neglect to prove is how an egg white will ever be a shell, or a yolk. Or how a yolk will ever be an egg white or a shell. Or how a shell will ever be an egg white or yolk.
It just doesn’t make sense.

Remember in Genesis when God says “let us make man in OUR image”?
Who is he talking to? Himself?

Compare a ‘Jehovah’s Witness bible’ to a King James ( or whatever you use), they aren’t that different at all!

Lawrence Clayton - January 1, 2010

Hey Truth,
Obviously, you are a worshipper of the Watchtower Society. You’ve been taught that the name “Jehovah” is an english translation. No, Yahweh is an english translation of the invisible man in the sky. “Jehovah” is a German translation from German Immigrant, Charlie Russell. In Germany, “Y’s” are pronounced with the “J” sound, and “W’s” are pronounced with the “V”. Hence, Yahweh is translated Jahveh. Russell added an “O” for glamour reasons. I won’t argue about your other misbeliefs, but I will say that I served years as a Witness of Jehovah and you are just another one of the Watchtower Sheep who will die without ever seeing this Paradise your impotent jesus preached. I will not direct you anywhere for reference, because you’re eyes will stay closed no matter what you see. Or as your Jesus said: “They have eyesbut they cannot see.” Have a nice day, and tell Jehovah hi for me…Sheesh…

17. Lawrence Clayton - February 8, 2010

And Janis Joplin is The Goddess of the Air….

18. Say it Don't Spray it - April 6, 2010

Well only a fool, including the author of this, would take a small rendering of their beliefs so literal. Grow up and learn before you judge.

19. Bradai - April 13, 2010

truth and kelly- i aggree

every1 else-are we talking about the same religion here?

20. real JW - February 12, 2011

Jehovah was speaking to all the angels who also looked similar to himself

21. yup,i'm younger - April 1, 2011

this whole discussion is very,very intersting you find a lot of things on the internet true and not true its just your basic internet for you however i couldnt help but notice and comment on all of these outrageous things listed here.The tobe i don’t believe you attended the kingdom hall for 16 years and listened to the beneficial instruction being provided.you no doubt heard but you definetley did not listen.and lawrence you are certaintly not going to make it talking like that and instead of the truth saying hi to jehovah for you,you pray and do it yourself and while your at it ask for insight and some understanding sheesh!

22. Noel Cabrera - September 28, 2012

mind if ya comment on Noah’s fucking his coupla ‘o daughta to perpetuate the generation. Ain’t this act so distasteful that they call it “incest”. so did Cain either fucked his mother or his sistah.


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