What’s wrong with the Jehovah’s Witnesses? October 5, 2006
Posted by Hegemony in Uncategorized.trackback
This is a departure from my usual science writing but I couldn’t help myself. I got a handwritten note from someone I had never met. It had my name (as it appeared on my mailbox) and address. In addition to the note (God, blah blah blah) there was a pamphlet. And oh goodness, you’ve never seen such a thing. Inside there was a ton of biblical verses but the cover was great, here it is:
How’s that for weird? Such a strong claim, “all suffering soon to end”. So we can assume that this image is the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ idea of a world without suffering.
So in their ideal world the following are true: there will be pumpkins… lots of pumpkins. Because, you know, pumpkins are useful for so many things… like pumpkin pie… and other things I’m sure. Also there will be apples (for when you’re sick of munching on pumpkins). After a day of harvesting pumpkins and apples will be placed in a garden of ambiguous looking flowers.
In the ideal Jehovah’s Witness paradise the moose will have lost its desire to protect its territory. In fact, here they will graze quietly near humans that have apparently just
harvested some pumpkins and apples. And it seems that black people do the harvesting. I’m not saying that Jehovah’s Witnesses are in favor of slavery… I mean there’s no suffering there. But maybe the artist should have thought that through better.
Oh, and log cabins, you bet there’ll be log cabins. Who needs modern building technology anyway? But don’t fear, we can still use horses for transport. So I guess everyone is happy and free… except for horses.
Apparently, Oprah and Bryant Gumbel will be doing the harvesting!
Well, other than their incedibly misguided theology, they do have some pretty cool art renderings of Oprah and Bryant on a wonderful picnic with Katy C. riding in the background with some pretty nice “form fitting” attire. Woopie!
Jehovah’s Witless
Witnesses believe that many people will be reseurrected to live in a recreated earth without death, suffering, or scarcity. Animals will not kill animals nor will humans eat animals.
Witnesses deny the trinity, they believe Jesus is a created being, possibly the same person as Archangel Michael. They do not believe in eternal hellfire. Hell is a place for the destruction of souls, or just a metaphor for the natural destruction of the soul at death. I am not sure whether Witnesses believe there is a human soul distinct from the body. Pretty scientific of them if they don’t.
I gathered all this from reading a lot of Witness literature my grandmoter gave me. I know Witness door-knocking is bothersome, but they are apolitical and harmless. We secularists would be better off if there were more Witnessses.
Amen, Bacopa (if you’ll pardon my use of the word)! I always make that point when anyone compares them with, say, the Mormons (of Prop 8 fame). So long as they keep their craziness out of my government, I’ll continue to ever-so-politely turn them away at my door. Much more gently than I would, say, any other proselytizing freaks that make the mistake of knocking.
I think those are opium poppies, so everyone is probably jacked up on tar heroin. That would explain the vapid expressions.
Well, my grandfather once had to run some Witnesses off his property with a shotgun, so not all of them are so peaceful when they come to your door.
LOL…
Kitty’s grandpa pulls the gun and the Witnesses are not peaceful?
Categorization error!
I think the f#€ker are crazy ! Guess yes we’r on “Jehova’s hitlist peeps !
Wow… what’s with the influx of people viewing this post? There’s lots more witty banter at my currently active site at http://www.honestlyanomalous.com
you got a link from j-walkblog.com, hence the traffic–he got the same thing in his mail.
Go to TOPIX forums and look for “JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES” and get the real scoop on just how warm and friendly the Watchtower followers are.
http://www.topix.net/religion/jehovahs-witness/2009/06/spreading-the-word-with-snail-mail-again
Thanks for featuring the “suuffering” tract. It is one of my favorites to share with people. I was so impressed by the Jehovah’s witnesses’ refusal to participate in wars that I became one myself. Finally, people who teach the truth, I thought. The expressions of the people depicted on the tract are a lot happier than most folks are accustomed to. I’ve grown quite accustomed to being happy myself. Have a great day!
Bacopa, it is true that we don’t believe in the so-called immortal soul that exsists separate from the human body. We do, however, believe in spirits that are angelic and demonic. Very nice overview of JW beliefs!
As a former JW (for 16 years) I can tell you they are cult. The people that come knocking on your door are simple, wholesome and genuinely sincere in their beliefs. The problem lies in their unquestioning trust of the head organization, The Watchtower Society. Followers are not allowed to question the orders that come from the higher-ups in the organization. God is merely “using these higher-ups to interpret his prophecy”. One hundred percent of what my family (the ones still trapped in the JW’s) comes from the Watchtower Society. Any religion (or for that matter any organization, club, political party, etc) that does not allow for self scrutiny should be avoided.
Here’s a few interesting facts about this group:
-Believers that question the hierarchy have been “disfellowshipped”. -The organization has made 6 prediction regarding the date when the world would end (1914, 1915, 1918, 1925, 1940’s 1975). At the time these predictions were not to be questioned.
-The group has a large pedophile problem because they refuse to report cases to the authorities.
-They’ve changed some passages in the bible (they use there own bible) to fit their doctrine.
-Family members are to be spurned if they don’t believe.
-… mental illness rate of JW’s is approximately 10 to 16 times higher than the rate for the general population (Google: montague jehovah mental)
Don’t be fooled. If you are involved with this organization do some homework before committing. Ignorance is no excuse in the age of the internet!!!!
Even in the legal system – disgruntled indiviuals testimony is not regarded as trustworthy – JW are guided by the moral standards found in the bible (any translation) – those who cannot subscribe to such high morals either choose to leave or are disfellowshipped when displaying an unrepentant attitude. It’s amazing how ex-disgruntled-witnesses always call-out foul play, but I suppose that’s also true of people fired from work – the bosses are always crooks… right…
Jehovah’s Witnesses are definitely NOT a cult. And everything you have posted is false, ‘The Tobe’.
“Followers are not allowed to question the orders that come from the higher-ups in the organization. God is merely “using these higher-ups to interpret his prophecy”
Not true at all. They are encouraged to ask questions, because asking questions betters your understanding. Everyone in the congregation is happy to answer questions, just like a school teacher would be with a student.
“The group has a large pedophile problem because they refuse to report cases to the authorities.”
I don’t even know where you got that one from.
They’ve changed some passages in the bible (they use there own bible) to fit their doctrine.
This one bugs me the most, because everyone seems to believe that. It’s NOT TRUE. The bible they use is a translation straight from the hebrew and greek scriptures. Do some research on the King James bible. King James didn’t let his translators translate the word ‘Jehovah’ as well as alot of other things. The hebrew name YHWH is in the original bible, written in hebrew. This translates as Jehovah in english.
“Family members are to be spurned if they don’t believe.”
Again, I don’t even know where you got that one from. Ever been to a Kingdom Hall or associated with JW’s? You’d learn alot.
“… mental illness rate of JW’s is approximately 10 to 16 times higher than the rate for the general population (Google: montague jehovah mental)”
HA! That is so fictional it’s amusing. Keep in mind that half the things you google aren’t true.
Oh, and for the record– the word Trinity isn’t biblical. In any bible.
Three cannot be one, and one cannot be three.
Most people explain this like an egg.
You have the shell, the egg white, and the yolk.
All three different things, but still an egg.
What people neglect to prove is how an egg white will ever be a shell, or a yolk. Or how a yolk will ever be an egg white or a shell. Or how a shell will ever be an egg white or yolk.
It just doesn’t make sense.
Remember in Genesis when God says “let us make man in OUR image”?
Who is he talking to? Himself?
Compare a ‘Jehovah’s Witness bible’ to a King James ( or whatever you use), they aren’t that different at all!